MIschung von Gefuele

It has only been a week, yet i feel as thou i have been on a roller coaster ride.

God reminded me to honour my colleagues in all circumstances, emotions. All the 'people skills, emotional quotient' the corporate world advocates are far too complicated for me, I prefer to stick to one rule of thumb -- Honor pple.

He showed me the importance of showing concern for pple.. which reminds me of a verse i once read ' People do not care how much you know, until they know how much you care'.

He drew me back to prayer, becuase I am a vine in Him and can do nth apart from Him.

God blessed me with great friends and colleagues at work. After our shopping session we had a 'take all we want on a single big plate' buffet. This abundance of food led Lisa to talk abt food in heaven, consequently we steered the conversation to telling Elisabeth more abt Christianity. So blessed to see Lisa burning to share so naturally to share abt her search for the true God.

God drew my attention to 3 people on different occasions in this week. The first was a woman who walked with a huge limp with each step she takes due to a physical defect in her legs. The second, was an albino boy who was happily talking to his mum. What great strength they displayed, i thought. (thou i felt it was the mum who prob struggled more than the lil albino boy) I dont want to be a strawberry of generation Y. I want to be a mighty durian of God.

God woos me with his gentle, unfailing love. I dont even have to pursue Him.
Recently i grew cold with how fleeting things were. But God reminded me of how exciting our lives can get, because he is the author of our life stories. Reminded me of how i used to thank God for giving me a reason to live. And if we allow Jesus to be Lord, everyday can be an adventure. That's if we are driven with a vision / purpose/ cause worth living, and see things frm God's perspective.

When i felt that my shy-ness was a barrier to me being an effective salt and light at my workplace, God told me that he wants me to depend on him, to come to him and relate to him what's on my mind. Because when i do so, things will change and it will draw me closer to him. Simple facts that we can use to advise pple, but forget abt it ourselves easily.

Had a misunderstanding with marcus, but thru it, God enabled us to understand each other deeper. Which i felt was a mini breakthrus for the few times that i got upset over things that he said/did.

Many other stuff...but nothing too insignificant for God to partner us in our life of adventure, to reveal to us his Father heart.

Ich vermisse die deutsche Sprache, obwohl mein Deutsch nicht gut ist. Aber sie reich, ich einen Tageblatt auf Deutsch zu schreiben. :P Ich fuehle ein bisschen traurig und nur Vater Gott weiss den Grund.

Gestern hatte ich einen Angsttraum. Es gabt viele erschreckende Krabben, die zu mir krabbeln! Mir rutschte das Herz in die Hose! Wenn ich aufgewacht bin, erinnere ich mich an den Traum ganz klar. Ich glaube, Gott moechte durch den Traum etwas zu mir sagen. Als ich 6 Jahre alt war, eine Krabbe, die mein Vater gekauft hat, ist entgegangen. Die Krabbe hat mich fast gebissen als ich am Boden gelegt habe. Zum Glueck hat mein Vater mich gerettet. Ich fuehle dass Gott sag: Mein Kind, Ich liebe dich und due kannst immer zu mir kommen. Rufe mich an, so will ich dir antworten.

Denn wo euer Schatz ist, da wird auch euer Herz sein.
Jetzt lese ich das 40-Tage Gebet Buch und die ist eine gute Erinnerung,dass ich meine Zeit, Energie und Geld gut aufwenden sollte.

pre-school jitters as a uni student?

I have never dreaded school ever since i was a kid. In fact, i have always looked forward to a new semester or academic year. Yet ironically, i dread the new semester ahead, at an age of 23.. I totally dread fyp cuz things are not gg well. I know God will lead the way, i just hafta follow. I know i have a purpose at school and i want to embrace it.

How do we draw the line between self-absorption and caring about one's own feelings? Why do i screw up when it comes to dealing with my feelings and communication?
The search for significance should have ended with the cross, yet it continues in my life. Ok, i hand it all to you God. Lead me.

o life.

The last time i blogged was in Germany and four months later, it's the end of the semester already. The semester was different from the past. I really enjoyed learning about world religions, human capital and engin prof because it's so relevant and interesting.. and has enabled me to see things from a wider perspective.

Received news that my jc friend Alan committed suicide during thanksgiving as well. Though i am not close to him, my heart sank and it just felt sour-ish wihtin for the next few days. He didnt get to know God before he died. Why did he choose to 'game over' so soon? And it led me to wonder if it's exactly fair that many people out there dont know God because they didnt hear the Gospel, not because they rejected Him. Wont it lead to John Calvin's theory of pre-destination? I have always thought that Calvinism was a whole load of bullshit because how can a loving God decide that certain creation of his do not get saved eventually. Of course God's ways are higher than mine and it's not something i can figure out..

And like how many people would respond to deaths, i am just a silly human caught up in the mundane things in life, that sometimes i forget the fragility of life and take things, take people for granted. i will be faithful and pray for the salvation of my friends & bro. I will be courageous and share about God when the opportunities arise.

How would it be like, should i stop breathing one day?

I had a massive headache yesterday and felt super carsick on the way to monica's house. BUT horrible feelings aside, i had super yummy pizza and strawberries for dinner with them monica's family. :D:D We watched Wallace and Gromit IN ENGLISH and i totally love the cartoon! I tried to reproduce nice pizzas today but my 'pizzas' didnt taste as nice as the ones Monica bought. sigh! I shall attempt to cook sth better tmr.

I have 10 more days in Hamburg and i must go to the lake more often! It's one of my favourite spots in harburg where i enjoy fresh, cooling air :D You dont get such nice cooling spots in Singapore :(

yipee!

this song has been playing in my head since i was making my way home from sch. :D

Anws, yesterday's learning was made more interesting as i went to nat's room to go thru the medical imaging modalities together. I had a peach and 3 pears in the middle cuz studying always makes me feel like eating.. lol. But it was kinda disastrous cuz i think my body reacts badly to a high intake of fructose. I think i kinda have a mild fructose malabsorption cuz i suffer from bloating whenever i eat too much sugary fruits.

Then today was the last lesson for com vision and i had the exam for medical imaging. It was an oral exam and despite it being a new format from the usual nus written exam style, i found it pretty ok. And Yay!! i got a 'good' grade and so this module is secured a 'S' in nus! It certainly lifted a huge burden off me cuz i couldnt attend lessons for this module at all due to a time clash with another module. Now i feel that i am better able to handle the other exams as well.. yay Praise God for his grace!

10 more days to the last day of exams! cant wait! :D

LOL

URGH

i need to rant... SILLY MEDICAL IMAGING NOTES ARE SUPER CHEEEMMM. and boring to just read abt it from the book. marcus witnessed the usage of ultrasound imaging and CT scans during his attachment at nuh and it sounded really cool! each time i come to greek-like content in the notes or book, i surf the net. Sub conscious escapism.

this week is really packed with activities..today was spent at Tanja's house as she invited nat and me to cook tgter at her place. There's cell bbq tmr at Jo's house. Sat is cook-out at Monica's place...and sun we have the last church service before their summer break :( Mon wld be the last Essenausgabe as well, and we will be having a grill! Then it's exams time....sigh.

The weather in Hamburg is really unpredictable. Last week it was crazily warm. Earlier this week it was cool and enjoyable. And today, it's back to rainy and cold Hamburg. :x

Die Zeit geht wie im Flug!!

Yesterday i went to Hamburg Airport to pick my cousin up and the feeling was weird. It was of excitement, sadness and realisation of how time flies. Excited at meeting my cousin, sad cuz i was reminded of how i had to say goodbye to Marcus when he left hamburg... and it struck me too that very soon, i would be there once again, flying to Austria, or flying back home to Singapore!

And as i surfed facebook pix, i saw so many commencement pictures of friends..esp that of Gim and Esther just sent creeps down me, knowing that time really, really flies. GOSH.

Days of flying and the graduation ceremony are always filled with so much excitement, anticipation, joy.. but the journey is always filled with so much other elements..like stress. lol. I am just so glad I have God in my life, a truth to hold on to, a loving Father who makes the journey so much more bearable and meaningful.

SOMMER :D

It's the peak of summer in Hamburg now and i feel like i am back in singapore! WHEEE i think the seasons do affect how i feel..and somehow i feel so close to home now :D:D i am truly 100% singaporean man. i need the warmth of summer to feel right, as much as i dont like the glare of sunlight :P

the power of His love.

Yesterday after Essenausgabe, nat shared with me her mum's testimony about God. Totally inspired by the part that God led a prof whom she didnt come into contact with at all, to sponsor her education, i shared her testimony with Dave when i reached home. He listened with an open heart, but added that christianity has 'good values...just like other religions'. I know it takes a personal encounter with God to be really convicted that God is real but i know the seed i sow is not in vain.

Today we had cell by the lake again cuz the weather was great:) Signs that summer has reached its peak are that my heater is super weak now ( cant dry my clothes fast ), i open my windows more widely, i walk arnd without the jacket...and german gals are in their skirts, german guys are in their berms. Benny brought the newspapers along and shared a few news that we cld pray about. i said my 2nd prayer in german..hahas i think the number of german prayers i say in a group can be counted with a hand but it cant be helped as i take a longer time to adapt to everything. :l

And just now, i listened to coos sermon by pastor vic. So many parts that he said struck a chord in me ..like having this mini revelation some time ago that the power of Jesus's resurrection is in me and that it helps me overcome any situations..and the part that 'when life is difficult, its cuz God lives us'. He was very true in saying that it is only in times of brokeness that we learn and remember. And towards the end, i cldn help but to cry. It was tears of being overwhelmed by God's love, tears when i rmb of God's faithfulness :)

Thank You God.

Faithfulness.

Yesterday i was just feeling inadequate about responsibilities in cell that i gotta take on when i return. I confided in God frankly and slowly today, i got the answer. ( muaha, holy spirit teaches me) It all lies in a word, faithfulness. Faithfulness in a mutual way.

Taken from http://cgg.org/index.cfm/fuseaction/Library.sr/CT/PERSONAL/k/244/Fruit-of-Spirit-Faithfulness.htm,

One aspect of God's faithfulness in challenges or trials is:

God will never lay on us anything beyond our power to overcome. This was also what Gloria encouraged me recently, saying that when God brings us to sth, He brings us thru it. He knows how much pressure our hearts can stand. Do teachers give college-level assignments to a first grader and expect them to perform? Men are careful not to overload a truck, horse, mule or ox. I kinda disagree here thou..there are ridiculously difficult nus exams and transport tools do get overloaded at times. Will God be any less merciful and faithful to us, His children He is creating in His image? He clearly recognizes His obligation to the work of His own hands to supply our needs and shape the burdens needed to prepare us for His Kingdom.

And because of God's faithfulness and love, i am promised the strength to be faithful. I want to hear God saying to me, Well done, good and faithful servant

Anws..i went for Suanne and Thies s' wedding at church in the afternoon and i really like this praise and worship song. I think we sang it during service before as well :D

:)

I just read some german devotional article that Jo printed for me and nat. The feeling was so different. I have subconsciously dreaded german, or maybe even hated it. But as i read the article just now, i enjoyed learning the new words once again. It wasnt a chore like before. It was a joy that wasnt always present. It may have come a lil late, but better than never :D

Each day a learning day.

As much as i was freaked out, i am so glad God teaches me each day. :)

More precious than gold or silver

Went for cell today and i thoroughly enjoyed the praise and worship session. I love how every phrase in worship songs express the character of God, one that is full of love, grace, glory, power, majesty, etc. I love how phrases also express who i have experienced God's love and works in my life. Love the opportunity to praise and worship God with fellow bro and sis in Christ as well. :)

I also said my first prayer in german today. I was prompted to pray a few times but chickened out cuz i know my german prayers wld prob be slow and broken. Anws during the last round of prayers, we prayed for the pastoral team and Dirk urged me to pray. So i spoke an incoherent prayer that was full of lingustic mistakes. That aside, i was in fact happy that Dirk nudged me to pray in german in the group cuz it helped me overcome the inertia in me. Besides, i know that God knows what i meant and listens to my prayers..so the main aim is achieved! :P

As i was reflecting today, i saw how i relied more on God during this period, how i communicated more with God, more i learnt to continually trust Him, find rest in Him, draw strength from Him, etc. What amazing grace, that i can enjoy such a precious relationship with our heavenly Father thru Jesus.

Thank you, God.

Give your burdens to the Lord, and He will take care of you. He will not permit the godly to slip and fall. Ps 55:22

How could i forget sth that i once knew? It's all about surrendering at the cross. About saying to God, Father, I need your help.. take care of my burdens for me pls.

Thank you God for each new day that u make,
for your new mercies everyday,
for your word that counsels, guides, comforts and encourages.
for my family, there's so much blessings and love attached to this simple word.
for people and circumstances around me
in short, for your unfailing love.

Halfway thru.

It is nearing the end of May, which marks the mid-way of my SEP. It has been an exciting journey with God so far, learning to rely on Him more, learning to hear from Him more, learning abt His heart, pouring out my heart to Him..etc

I am still struggling with the german language for lessons and communication with the germans. shucks. But am constantly thankful i get the chance to really immerse in a more german SEP, cuz i knew from the start i didnt want a touristy one. Am thankful i meet really nice and hospitable friends in church and school, thou i really wished i cld chat more freely with them and not be limited by my linguistic ability.

And i miss home regularly :( At times i wished i could teleport home over the weekends or sth. And this feeling creeps in almost every week :l

There's a thousand more thoughts that run thru my mind each week and thru it all, i am so glad i have God with me. :)

Lamentations 3:22-24

Your love never fails, you have new mercies for me everyday. I never experienced this so, so deeply till recently. I have sung this song so many times in church without grasping the meaning of a few lines. And i am so glad the lyrics reminded me of God's love and grace just when i needed it.

Today was the last youth service and serving in the welcome team..till i return from SEP. Was kinda sad during ushering briefing cuz it was only in the recent weeks that i warmed up to some of them. And it really multiplies the fun when we get to know one another better and welcome pple to the house of God together. But it's ok, i will be back to serve tgter in Aug! hahas.

After dinner, some of us went to chill at holland V. And while walking, i was talking to Priscilla abt her siblings and she mentioned that she wondered if sometimes, she loves her family too much to a dangerous extent. She was refering to Luke 14:26 If anyone comes to me and does not hate his father and mother, his wife and children, his brothers and sisters--yes, even his own life--he cannot be my disciple. I was slightly shocked, because i was just thinking abt that verse during praise and worship session! In fact, each time when i am reminded abt that verse, i cant help but to think to myself: gosh, that's really hard, Jesus.

Just to quote Pastor Peter during sermon today,
we worship God not bcuz of convenience, but cuz of conviction. :)